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#21 RunningWild

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Posted 27 May 2012 - 01:39 PM

Part of the issue here may be the fact that once a relationship becomes "professional" in the strict sense of the word ($$ exchange), then there is a firmer set of expectations that must be fulfilled. I have done things for people who offered to pay me, but have refused payment because #1- I wanted my service to be accepted as a gift and #2- I did not want the additional responsibility of fulfilling expectations that were paid for.

To each, his or her own
2b


BINGO! This really hit home with me 2b! I'm not going to share my whole personal history here for all but I will say this much... when I first made the decision to look for a disciplinarian, I was looking for an "alternative" to another form of "therapy" that was no longer available/working for me. At that time I wanted a professional. I wanted to pay. I wanted no mistake that this was not play, that I was serious and I expected the discipliarian to take the role and me seriously. So at that time, I was willing to pay the price so I could lift my expectations for a professional approach (i.e. confidentiallity etc).

Now, that said... here's what has happened for me in the past year when I moved on... I have been fortunate to find that I can get what I had and MORE for free from people that I would gladly pay ten times anything I paid before because they are all that good at what they do... So, the very best aren't necessarily only those that charge... and may not be at all... who knows... I think you probably have to judge for yourself! Although, to the extent that there is "serious need", there is skill required... and I mean skill beyond just swinging a paddle (although when that begins to be the case, then perhaps the implement should be put down and the spankee should be encouraged to pick up a phone... and perhaps a profesional of some sort somewhere should be paid?... but it even takes skill for a disciplinarian to recognize that!)... I'm fortunate to have the very most skilled in my corner because I have approached finding them seriously! And that's what everyone has to do for him or herself!

RW

#22 RunningWild

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Posted 27 May 2012 - 01:45 PM

Apparently not always! Just ask MB :P

P.S. I had to edit some of my posts, because I felt like I was getting unreasonable ...



LOL... yes I know what you mean... one of my responses is sitting in my recycle bin! :D

RW

#23 MissBam

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Posted 27 May 2012 - 01:47 PM

As a lady spanker who does not charge for services, I thought it might be time for me to throw in my two pennies of thought.

There are several reasons that I don't charge. The first reason is because when I started out a number of years ago with no experience, I had no idea what would be an appropriate charge. I felt that I didn't have the experience to enter that realm.

The second reason that I don't charge is for a reason that both 2B and Mike list and that is expectation of service. I want to make sure that I am in charge of a session, and the exchange of $$ changes that to an extent. I don't want to be expected to dress or act in a particular manner unless I decide that I want to do this, and receiving money from someone who wants a particular type of spanking would alter the way I run things.

Additionally, I don't want to have to do the work that goes into running things professionally. I have a full time job and stay busy, so running a website and keeping up with correspondence and professional obligations is not on my list.

I have also found it amazing what people expect you to do for free. I have had people demand...not request...that I dress a certain way, use questionable implements, employ other forms of discipline, spend a ridiculous amount of time with them(we're talking DAYS here!), engage in additional acts, and spank them on a regular basis.

I have been a health care professional for over thirty years providing expert care for those with serious needs, but there is no way that I could have possibly done that for free. I personally also require massages on a regular basis related to stress and injury because of that profession, and I would NEVER expect a massage without paying for it.

You also have to consider that there are professionals who charge for spanking who would prefer to spank for free but aren't able to do so. Sometimes that is the bread and butter on their table, so to assume that those who charge do it solely out of avarice is pretty judgemental.

There are advantages to using professional services as well. You get more say in the type of session you want, you can get caring discipline while maintaining professional distance, and there is not the problem of entanglements that can ensue with 'free' spankings.

So, here are some suggestestions to anyone who needs or wants to be spanked but can't afford it. First of all, remember that all female spankers, whether they charge or not, are busy and you need to make yourself stand out from the crowd. The only people I spank who aren't my 'regulars' are those who approach me with genuine good manners and respect. I say genuine because I have had to turn down people who approached me in an appropriate manner initially only to have them blast me for not being able to accomodate them. Those people will never get a second consideration. I also read posts, and observe how people treat others. Be kind to your fellow board members.

Secondly, see if a professional might consider a rate reduction in your case if you truly can't afford it. Again, respect and good manners help your case.

Ok, that was about a quarter's worth of words for about 2 cents of thought!

Thanks,

MB

#24 RunningWild

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Posted 27 May 2012 - 02:57 PM

Ok, that was about a quarter's worth of words for about 2 cents of thought!

Thanks,

MB


Maybe... but your quarter's worth of words and 2 cents of thought are EASILY worth $250! Or more!!!

RW

P.S. and I checked... the exchange of words is NOT prostitution! :P

#25 Guest_Bgpgh_*

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Posted 29 May 2012 - 05:31 AM

All I can say is "Thank god for the free market".. Charing for a service like this is like anything.. One provides a good/need/service that is in demand.. I don't see anything wrong with charging if you provide a professional service. That said I can understand why some do not. There is a certain amount of better care and personal connection in a non- pay relationship.


As to why this is tilted to Females charing males more often then the others? Well it's simple supply side ecconomics.

Calling this Prostition? Really???????????? I wont remotely think that.... I know many fine professional female spankers that are honest hard working peeps...

Paying for this is not something I personally would do, as I prefer a more real relationship and dedication. Though I would never fault anyone who chargers or pays..


Basic ecconomics!!!

PS.. MissBam You ROCK!!!! We all got 25 cents of sage wisdom for only 2 cents!!!!!!!!

#26 window

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Posted 29 May 2012 - 05:43 AM

I'm a male spanker. I enjoy the art of spanking and I like helping people out. To me it's in roughly the same category as a social hobby. I suppose if it was standard for men in my situation to charge I would, but it's not so I don't.

#27 indspnky

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Posted 30 May 2012 - 06:57 PM

I think its more like providing/ seeking any other form of professional service or therapy... The only difference may be that not everyone is as discriminating or selective enough in choosing who they allow to perform this particular service for them... but maybe they don't have to be if that's not how they think about it... if for them spanking is not about therapy or a service but for fun or entertainment... it kind of comes back around to Mike's other post and people's motives for wanting to be spanked and I suppose for some reasons, I might find it silly to pay, too, at least high amounts (and I only say MIGHT and only from a financially "responsible" standpoint.... although we do pay to be entertained in other ways, so...), but by no means do I see it as prostitution!

RW


I guess I have a difficult time understanding this whole thing about therapy. When I was a child my dad did not engage in being a therapist with me, he was a disciplinarian. I've disciplined scores of women without feeling like I need to psycho-analize them before I punish them. I discuss their reason for wanting to be punished and we reach an agreement on how the punishment is to be given and I have always earned the trust of the ladies who have come to me for punishment and they have always been able to rely on me to be fair but firm. Occassionally I seek out punishment myself but I'm not really interested in a long disertation on why I need this punishment or what my feelings are and all of that. I'm not looking for a therapist, I'm looking for a firm but sane spanking. I'm guessing all that other nonsense Professional Spankers engage in is simply an excuse to charge the person $250 for an hours attention. And also, contrary to what some of you might think, my passion for spanking is not connected to sexual desires. For some men maybe, but not for all men.

#28 RunningWild

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Posted 30 May 2012 - 09:23 PM

I guess I have a difficult time understanding this whole thing about therapy. When I was a child my dad did not engage in being a therapist with me, he was a disciplinarian. I've disciplined scores of women without feeling like I need to psycho-analize them before I punish them. I discuss their reason for wanting to be punished and we reach an agreement on how the punishment is to be given and I have always earned the trust of the ladies who have come to me for punishment and they have always been able to rely on me to be fair but firm. Occassionally I seek out punishment myself but I'm not really interested in a long disertation on why I need this punishment or what my feelings are and all of that. I'm not looking for a therapist, I'm looking for a firm but sane spanking. I'm guessing all that other nonsense Professional Spankers engage in is simply an excuse to charge the person $250 for an hours attention. And also, contrary to what some of you might think, my passion for spanking is not connected to sexual desires. For some men maybe, but not for all men.


I don't mean it so literally... I'm not talking about psychoanalysis... I'm simply comparing paying for spanking (discipline) the same way you would for any other service that was helpful or fulfilled a need... and in that way in your life was therapeutic.

RW

#29 spank_mike_hard

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Posted 30 May 2012 - 11:42 PM

I guess I have a difficult time understanding this whole thing about therapy. When I was a child my dad did not engage in being a therapist with me, he was a disciplinarian. I've disciplined scores of women without feeling like I need to psycho-analize them before I punish them. I discuss their reason for wanting to be punished and we reach an agreement on how the punishment is to be given and I have always earned the trust of the ladies who have come to me for punishment and they have always been able to rely on me to be fair but firm. Occassionally I seek out punishment myself but I'm not really interested in a long disertation on why I need this punishment or what my feelings are and all of that. I'm not looking for a therapist, I'm looking for a firm but sane spanking. I'm guessing all that other nonsense Professional Spankers engage in is simply an excuse to charge the person $250 for an hours attention. And also, contrary to what some of you might think, my passion for spanking is not connected to sexual desires. For some men maybe, but not for all men.


Okay, but these are your personal experiences and, as usual, there are logical inconsistencies when one uses personal experiences to try to define what everyone else should think or feel. I say "as usual", because people do this all the time ...

When you use your experiences as a child, then you use anecdotal evidence, which has no meaning in describing a general situation. As an example, you may not have thought about a walk in the park as being therapeutic either when you were a child, but lots of people consider it to be therapeutic as adults. Others consider the solitude of the wilderness to be therapeutic, or a rigorous workout, or meditation. In other words, our own personal experience has no place in defining this sort of thing for others ...

When you say that "scores" of women have come to you for discipline and not, as you say, for psychoanalysis, and you imply that this should be the norm,then you again base that definition only on your own experiences. Have you asked any of them if they want to use spanking as a form of therapy? You also say that you spanked women (quote)"without feeling like I need to psycho-analize them before I punish them", but I would claim that this is not about what you feel you need, but rather what they need! And THIS is where the difference lies: Of course, if this is how you approach this, then YOU should never charge anyone for your "services", because for YOU, this is just as much about what YOU get out of it, if not more so than
what the spankee gets out of it!

What other "nonsense" exactly are you referring to, that professional spankers engage in ? You know, the most ridiculous nonsense I have ever heard people pay for is to be allowed to officially pray for some imaginary deity in a church ... in other words, to be part of some religion ... If you want to get on people's case for charging others for "nonsense", I think you should start there !
I am a smart ass and I love a strong women to make my ass smart.

#30 RunningWild

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Posted 31 May 2012 - 06:16 AM

GO Mike!

Once again, great post!

RW

#31 2bspanked

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Posted 31 May 2012 - 07:44 AM

There's a old saying that this thread has brought to mind:

"The eye sees, and the ear hears only what the mind is prepared to comprehend."

2b
"Sing Your Song"
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#32 RunningWild

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Posted 31 May 2012 - 08:13 AM

There's a old saying that this thread has brought to mind:

"The eye sees, and the ear hears only what the mind is prepared to comprehend."

2b


:)

RW

#33 iamsorry

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Posted 31 May 2012 - 12:00 PM

Great post it really hit home because of our situation being new to our area, and not having life long friends to discuss and sometimes aid in our domestic discipline lifestyle we are actually thinking about exploring the possibly seeking out some one who could discipline my husband and I. Although I have only recently experienced the other side of the lap, we are evolving in our relationship and may very well seek out the services of a caring professional in the absence of any other outlet.

Thanks Iam

#34 Guest_HD Fatboy_*

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Posted 31 May 2012 - 06:42 PM

Ok i dont post on here i just read what everyone has to say, until now. Ive been reading this post and i think this should have been done in pm's between the two people instead of in a open forum. With that being said, i am really bothered by the way this has went. Now i read this.

What other "nonsense" exactly are you referring to, that professional spankers engage in ? You know, the most ridiculous nonsense I have ever heard people pay for is to be allowed to officially pray for some imaginary deity in a church ... in other words, to be part of some religion ... If you want to get on people's case for charging others for "nonsense", I think you should start there !

Then i read in the next post go Mike? So is this a site about spanking or a place to tell people they are ridiculous for believing in god? If it is the latter please delete my profile.

#35 RunningWild

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Posted 31 May 2012 - 07:55 PM

Then i read in the next post go Mike?


perhaps I should have been specific about what part of the post I was cheering...

but perhaps also you should reread the response...

#36 RunningWild

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Posted 01 June 2012 - 08:26 AM

Ok i dont post on here i just read what everyone has to say, until now. Ive been reading this post and i think this should have been done in pm's between the two people instead of in a open forum. With that being said, i am really bothered by the way this has went.


I'm going to take some time to think more about how to respond before I really respond but here are a very few initial thoughts... I always think its interesting when people say that they normally just read but don't respond and then do so because they read something from a community member who has been trying to communicate with another and they are dissatisfied with the way that person has done so. I think its important to remember that communication in a community is jointly constructed and if some members of the community choose to only assume the role of onlookers then they provide no assistance in how that communication takes shape... so if they are unhappy with how it turned out... in part, they hold some responsibility. A question was posed and that was an invitation for opinions to be shared and ideas to be offered up and discussion to ensue.... and the "shaping and co-construction" to begin. But instead, it seems that at every exchange, the question poser really just wanted the opportunity to reinforce his opinion... which is fine... but in that case, why ask the question in the first place; why not simply just say "this is what I think?" (I credit a friend for pointing this out to me!)

If you followed the thread, at least one of the responders (if not three), by admission, were somewhat frustrated in the communication... maybe if the load had been shared and more of a community dialogue had taken place, the conversation would have steered in a different direction from that response you found upsetting. I have no way of knowing that of course... just supposing... based on something I know about communities and communication and something I know about people and their temperaments ;) .

RW

#37 spank_mike_hard

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Posted 01 June 2012 - 09:43 AM

Ok i dont post on here i just read what everyone has to say, until now. Ive been reading this post and i think this should have been done in pm's between the two people instead of in a open forum. With that being said, i am really bothered by the way this has went. Now i read this.

What other "nonsense" exactly are you referring to, that professional spankers engage in ? You know, the most ridiculous nonsense I have ever heard people pay for is to be allowed to officially pray for some imaginary deity in a church ... in other words, to be part of some religion ... If you want to get on people's case for charging others for "nonsense", I think you should start there !

Then i read in the next post go Mike? So is this a site about spanking or a place to tell people they are ridiculous for believing in god? If it is the latter please delete my profile.


Hi,

So I carefully read my post again and I can't find a statement that suggests that people who believe in God are ridiculous. A specific example of what I said would be the religion of Scientology, where people have to give up large fractions of their income/wealth, in order to be accepted into the religion. There are some fringe churches belonging to christian and other religions that do similar things, but this is not generally the case.
It is important to distinguish between religion (an institution) and a personal believe. We all need to believe in something, but we shouldn't
have to pay money to do so!

However, since you brought it up and since it seems that for christians everything is always about them, please allow me to make another example
that gets closer to your particular believe system: Many people in the past (and to some degree still) paid money and made all sorts of
other "donations" because the "Church" told them that this was needed in order to "reduce their time in purgatory". Today, when people are asked to
give money in church, they are not necessarily asked to give to some random homeless guy on the street! They are often asked to give to the church and people who represent the church will somehow decide on the "best use" of the funds ... I think this is crazy, but many many people consider this to be
perfectly reasonable and even more so, honorable. My point is that people have all sorts of motives for spending and charging money for various
"services" and that it is inappropraite to define the GENERAL validity of doing so based on your own perceptions or feelings!

If there is a statistically significant sample of data that suggests that charging for some service causes "wide spread" social and economic
damage, then charging for it is wrong (e.g. overcharging for education and health care beyond tax contributions). There is no such evidence as far as charging for spankings is concerned!

No, this discussion does not belong in PM. In fact, it is vitally important to carry this out publicly.

I don't post much myself (only recently I have done a little more of it again) but I decided to participate in this discussion because it is
important to make it clear that there are people here who have different view points and who come to spanking with different motives! Without
"controversial" posts and discussions, this forum would be much much too homogeneous and keep others away.

Although I disagree with indy on his stance against professional spankers, I appreciate him bringing this up, because it is an important debate.
Debates often involve confrontation and controversy. If you don't like your believes to be challenged at least a little bit, then perhaps you should
stay on the side lines!
I am a smart ass and I love a strong women to make my ass smart.

#38 RunningWild

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Posted 01 June 2012 - 10:07 AM

Although I disagree with indy on his stance against professional spankers, I appreciate him bringing this up, because it is an important debate.
Debates often involve confrontation and controversy. If you don't like your believes to be challenged at least a little bit, then perhaps you should
stay on the side lines!


That's what gives us something of substance to talk about and "chew on!" To me, what makes participation worthwhile is being openminded enough to allow my thinking to be pushed and stretched by that of others... that only happens with confrontation and controversy... Keep coming back Mike because we need the variety of perspectives! And we need others to step off the sidelines and on to the field so we have even more voices with more perspectives who aren't afraid to differ a little... cause I enjoy reading what the next person has to say and thinking about it!

RW

#39 Guest_HD Fatboy_*

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Posted 02 June 2012 - 05:06 PM

Okay, but these are your personal experiences and, as usual, there are logical inconsistencies when one uses personal experiences to try to define what everyone else should think or feel. I say "as usual", because people do this all the time ...

When you use your experiences as a child, then you use anecdotal evidence, which has no meaning in describing a general situation. As an example, you may not have thought about a walk in the park as being therapeutic either when you were a child, but lots of people consider it to be therapeutic as adults. Others consider the solitude of the wilderness to be therapeutic, or a rigorous workout, or meditation. In other words, our own personal experience has no place in defining this sort of thing for others ...

When you say that "scores" of women have come to you for discipline and not, as you say, for psychoanalysis, and you imply that this should be the norm,then you again base that definition only on your own experiences. Have you asked any of them if they want to use spanking as a form of therapy? You also say that you spanked women (quote)"without feeling like I need to psycho-analize them before I punish them", but I would claim that this is not about what you feel you need, but rather what they need! And THIS is where the difference lies: Of course, if this is how you approach this, then YOU should never charge anyone for your "services", because for YOU, this is just as much about what YOU get out of it, if not more so than
what the spankee gets out of it!

What other "nonsense" exactly are you referring to, that professional spankers engage in ? You know, the most ridiculous nonsense I have ever heard people pay for is to be allowed to officially pray for some imaginary deity in a church ... in other words, to be part of some religion ... If you want to get on people's case for charging others for "nonsense", I think you should start there !



#40 Guest_HD Fatboy_*

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Posted 02 June 2012 - 05:34 PM

Ok, i messed up trying to copy the part i wanted to. Dont know how you guys do it. Mike the part that bothered me was this.
What other "nonsense" exactly are you referring to, that professional spankers engage in ? You know, the most ridiculous nonsense I have ever heard people pay for is to be allowed to officially pray for some imaginary deity in a church ... in other words, to be part of some religion ... If you want to get on people's case for charging others for "nonsense", I think you should start there.
Sorry but i can only take that statement one way. That it is ridiculous nonsense to go to church and pray to a imaginary deity as you put it. Now if i am reading that statement wrong please tell me. As for this post it seems to me one person having a problem with another should have been done in private. Now if had just been a topic of paying or not paying for a spanking i would agree with you that it should be talked about in the open.
RW. you are right and i will try to do more posting instead of just reading.




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